I’m trying to keep the promise I made yesterday and not “invest” another cent in this garbage.

My portfolio dropped overnight from $60 to $25. That’s all I’ve got left — in a shitcoin called SolCry.

Of course, the temptation to buy more came back.

I came here to write, even if it’s nothing meaningful.

I uninstalled the X (formerly Twitter), DexScreener, and Phantom wallet apps from my phone.

Not a minute went by without me checking the chart of whatever coin I had “invested” in, or the charts of coins I had sold — which, of course, had since gone up — feeding my constant anxiety and frustration.

When prices went up, though, it felt good. I’d get that hit of dopamine and feel like I’d done something important to earn it.

This is the main battle I need to fight now. I need to find that dopamine somewhere else — in better things.

I remembered the lyrics of an old Romanian song: “Where your heart is, there you will spend your whole life.”

I consider myself a good person, despite all my mistakes. I want to do good things — for my family, for others in need, for animals, for life itself. I want to understand more, to be more.

But this virtual world — “Crypto Twitter” — is full of poison. Nothing good. NOTHING. It sounds like an absolute generalization, but I can’t find a single element I could call good.

This isn’t something I just realized; I’ve had this poison in my veins for too long. Enough.

(more…)

I’ll write in Romanian and use an AI tool for translations. Though I speak English at an advanced level, my vocabulary isn’t as rich — and I’d only waste words trying to sound perfect.

My dear ones, had I answered this calling three months ago — when I registered this website and wrote the first article — my life today would have been much, much easier. It’s not hard to imagine that the future will only be harder, as long as I keep blindly believing that luck will turn, that I’ll somehow recover what I’ve lost, while everything around me collapses — family, work, health.

So I must make a promise now, and keep it: I will not “invest” another penny into this rot.

Every time I feel tempted, I’ll return here, to this blog, and write another piece — to tell you what happened, and how close I came.

Right now, my finances look like this:

• I’ve just borrowed 1,000 lei for food until the end of the month. I doubt it will be enough — I’ll likely have to borrow more.

• I owe: €1,000 to a good friend (borrowed a few days ago; half of it went to other debts, and I lost 2,000 lei), 8,500 lei to two coworkers, 15,000 lei to a loan shark (I paid 10,000 lei in tax debts to ANAF, and the rest — gone), and €10,000 to an ex-lover I haven’t spoken to in years. My monthly payments for the house, the car, and a personal loan total 14,000 lei.

• I earn €500 per working day as a programmer, but my current contract ends at year’s end. I haven’t found another job yet.

I am desperate. I tried to cheat, to trick the system, to make easy money — and ended up with a beautiful addiction instead.

And no one knows.

I have a wonderful family. A wife I love beyond words, and three incredible children who fill me with pride.

And yet, instead of working, their father plays the fool online — chasing the illusion of that mythical 100x win, believing it will wipe away all problems, while he sinks deeper into debt.

More than once, I’ve thought of ending it all. But that would only scar my children forever and leave my wife to inherit my debts. And I am not that monster. I’ll stay until the end. I’ll climb out of this nightmare I built for myself.

I want nothing from anyone. I write these lines for myself alone. I will not reveal who I am, nor will I promote this page online — or if I ever do, it will be when the cure has been found, and I know that my words might help others trapped in the same curse. And I know — there are many.

After all, Dostoevsky wrote The Gambler. Why shouldn’t I?

(more…)

This is a story in the making, about me and my journey. About how crypto “trading” ruined my life and how I managed to unfuck it. 

It’s still fucked when I’m writing this.

And nobody knows about it.

“No crying in the casino” they say. And I agree. But I have to tell someone. I have to find a cure. Maybe writing helps. I’ve always liked to write.