Coming clean

Hey world! Moved the unfucked.blog domain name to another VPS provider and didn’t have the time to set it up properly until now.

A lot has happened in the previous 2 weeks!

I was forced into “coming clean” to my wife – she found some X messages on my lock screen by accident about two weeks ago and she confronted me about my gambling problem.

I don’t have enough words to explain the shame I felt as I didn’t have the courage to do this on my own, being too scared of losing the one thing that really matters to me in this life – THEM. Her and our three children.

But she chose to believe in me, one more time.

It’s been hard to admit to all the stupid things I’ve done, as I’m not a liar, but in this case, is hiding the truth a lie on its own? If not a liar, I was at least a coward.

It’s been hard to see her suffer and be afraid for our family’s future, and all because of a stupid financial decision I took.

I promised “never again”, to myself, to her, to our children. And I will follow through.

Don’t know yet how I’m gonna get out of debt – we managed to merge all debts into one, with the help of her sister, for which I’ll pay monthly instalments.

I don’t know what I’m going to do since January, as my high paying job is coming to an end, and the current market is bad for a 40yo programmer.

Lots of “I don’t know” in my mind.

But I do know a way will eventually come, through all the hardships we will encounter, as long as I keep walking in the right direction.

I know how liberated I feel now, not having to keep secrets anymore, not having to be afraid for us.

I can sleep well, not having to worry about a shit coin I bought before going to bed.

I can focus on work, family duties, household and all, without checking a fucking chart every minute.

I am still checking CMC at least once a day, as I’ve been watching BTC & high caps for at least 10 years. But it’s a whole different thing. I still believe I could be a good long term trader, as I once were, having the vision and all, before I got into highly leveraged futures and shitcoins.

But I will not follow this direction anymore, I will never risk money I cannot afford to lose on a speculation.

I don’t have all the answers, but I am grateful for having at least one person in this world that believes in me.

See you soon, my unsolicited but necessary diary.

(written in eng.)