I’m trying to keep the promise I made yesterday and not “invest” another cent in this garbage.
My portfolio dropped overnight from $60 to $25. That’s all I’ve got left — in a shitcoin called SolCry.
Of course, the temptation to buy more came back.
I came here to write, even if it’s nothing meaningful.
I uninstalled the X (formerly Twitter), DexScreener, and Phantom wallet apps from my phone.
Not a minute went by without me checking the chart of whatever coin I had “invested” in, or the charts of coins I had sold — which, of course, had since gone up — feeding my constant anxiety and frustration.
When prices went up, though, it felt good. I’d get that hit of dopamine and feel like I’d done something important to earn it.
This is the main battle I need to fight now. I need to find that dopamine somewhere else — in better things.
I remembered the lyrics of an old Romanian song: “Where your heart is, there you will spend your whole life.”
I consider myself a good person, despite all my mistakes. I want to do good things — for my family, for others in need, for animals, for life itself. I want to understand more, to be more.
But this virtual world — “Crypto Twitter” — is full of poison. Nothing good. NOTHING. It sounds like an absolute generalization, but I can’t find a single element I could call good.
This isn’t something I just realized; I’ve had this poison in my veins for too long. Enough.
Romanian:
Incerc sa ma tin de promisiunea facuta ieri si sa nu mai “investesc” nicio suma in aceasta mizerie.
Portofoliul meu a scazut peste noapte de la 60$ la 25$. E tot ce mi-a ramas, intr-un shitcoin numit SolCry.
Bineinteles, a reparut tentatia de a cumpara mai mult.
Am intrat sa scriu, chiar daca nu ceva cu substanta.
Am dezinstalat de pe telefon aplicatiile X (ex Twitter), DexScreener, Phantom wallet.
Nu trecea un minut fara sa verific chart-ul oricarei monede in care “investisem”, sau chart-urile altor monede vandute care intre timp au crescut semnificativ, ceea ce contribuia la starea de anxietate si frustrare permanenta.
Cand cresteau, era insa bine. Primeam acea doza de dopamina si ma simteam bine, ca si cand as fi facut ceva important sa primesc acea recompensa.
Aceasta e lupa principala pe care trebuie s-o duc la inceput. Trebuie sa gasesc acea dopamina in altceva. In lucruri bune.
Mi-am adus aminte de versurile unei melodii mai vechi, in limba romana – “Acolo unde ti-e inima, acolo iti vei petrece viata toata”.
Eu ma consider un om bun, trecand peste toate greselile. Vreau sa fac lucruri bune. Pentru familie, pentru altii aflati in nevoie, pentru animale, pentru existenta. Vreau sa inteleg mai mult, sa fiu mai mult.
Aceasta lumea virtuala, “Crypto Twitter”, este plina de otrava in schimb. Nimic bun. NIMIC. Pare o generalizare absoluta, dar nu pot gasi un singur element despre care sa spun ca este bun.
Nu este ceva ce am descoperit recent, prea mult timp am petrecut cu aceasta otrava in sange. Ajunge.
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